Amnesia
by princeofthewildthings
Summary: I was in a black hole and then I saw him. A golden haired god that made me forget everything for those few seconds. He was gone all too soon. Would I see him again? Probably not. AkuRoku, mention of Dexion & Saixene
1. Amnesia

Strong vocals belted out into the microphone with it's miniscule criss-cross of metal bars to keep spittle from making the wires short out. I looked out over the crowd, throwing one hand forward dramatically as I sang. My eyes were sharp and narrow as I crouched, leaning out toward the thrashing mob. My fans.

I heard my name shout out from the mass of bodies. Perspiration rolled down my forehead and the bridge of my nose. I could smell my own body in this heat, under the stage lighting. The bass vibrated the amps on either side of the stage. Even now, here in this hot atmosphere, people shouting out my name and extending their hands to me in hopes I would touch them, I was alone. It fueled my anger, the passionate pain of the lyrics. I hated the words, the stereotypical sound of them - my repeating of them twice a week to different people in different towns. They loved me for it. With their blind, careless devotion - they worshipped me. Chains hit against my thigh, covered with black drainpipes as I moved. A white sleeveless shirt clung to my sweaty body, the fabric thin from constant wear and tear.

I stepped back away from the edge of the stage, turning my back on them in their careless mob of pulsing, churning bodies wanting to get closer. It sickened me, their desire to be in my position. The fame, the emptiness I lived in. I stopped singing, the bass cut off, the drums stopped. I looked up at the drummer, Larxene, a fiery blonde. I smiled lightly at her. If it wasn't for that high voltage personality she had, I thought she'd probably be a shitty drummer. Maybe hitting the objects alleviated her angst... That was unlikely, she was still a bitch. Demyx watched me for the cue to start a new song. I stood in silence for a moment as people screamed, shrill female voices saying my name.

**'Axel I love you!' 'Axel!' 'You're so hot!'**

I had heard it many times over from the crowd. I fought the urge to yell back in my microphone that the girls knew nothing about me. They didn't know I'd never fuck them or marry them or do whatever perverted dillusions they hoped that I would. I ran a hand over my signaturely spiked red hair. The base of it was slick with sweat. Larxene fumed, tapping a drumstick on one of the cymbals. I could make out the beginning rythum of one of our songs in it. I pursed my lips, looking at her. She smiled, speaking hardly above a whisper.

**'Go back up there and sing, jackass.'**

I flipped her the bird and turned to the crowd again, wiping sweat from my face with a towel. I noticed one of the frontliners had tattoos on his cheeks just like mine. I snorted, looking out into the crowd as Larxene began the rift again, hitting the cymbals louder to cue Demyx, Saix and Zexion into playing. I closed my eyes, my face expressionless. With a sharp flick of my wrist, I threw the sweat-soaked rag out into the crowd. It was met with a surge of bodies and flailing arms.

I was the eye-candy of the band. The bad boy, ginger haired singer. Demyx played lead guitar. Saix played rythum guitar and Zexion played bass. They all had each other. I had no one. Demyx and Zexion were openly gay to our fans and the general public. Demyx being overly flamboyant and proud of it. Saix and Larxene were together, under the radar. I didn't particularly like any of my bandmates save for Demyx. He and I had been friends before we had hit it big time.

I began singing on cue, my voice low and monotone. I prowled the front of the stage, looking down at the crowd but not focusing on any one face. But then, I saw him. He didn't scream or reach out for my hand. I swallowed, tripping over a few of the words as I fought to keep my memory. He didn't wear any merchandise we sold online, he didn't have any stupid tattoos that matched our band symbol or a sign reading 'I heart Axel.' Wait a sec, why was I noticing this stuff? Maybe I had wanted to see it. I did. I felt a twinge of disappointment. I ordered myself mentally to continue singing. I moved away from the boy but glanced at him now and then. He didn't watch me intently like the others. He studied Demyx and Larxene and the others just as much as he watched me. Again, I felt disappointment pull at my heartstrings.

He was a god. A golden blonde with bright aquamarine eyes. They were passive, hardly enthused by the angsty songs. He was a little on the short side, though it added to the attraction. I closed my eyes as I sang, worried that my golden-haired distraction was affecting my performace.

Another thirty minutes and our set was over. We would pack up and get on our bus, heading elsewhere. I was reluctant to give up the stage and leave. I would never meet the blonde. There were too many people here for me to find him discreetly. I was thanking the fans, a lifeless speech. I honestly didn't want all of them. I missed being local celebrities. My emerald eyes managed to throw a glance blondie's way. He was gone. I felt panic vibrate my chest. Eyes scanned the crowd feverishly as I finished the speech. He wasn't there. I bowed to the crowd and headed offstage, pushing my way past flashing cameras and the fans who'd paid for backstage access. I wasn't interested in interviews or signing autographs.


	2. The Proposal

I heard Demyx coerce Zexion into signing autographs and taking a few pictures. Larxene loved the spotlight of course and took her good old time posing for photographs. She turned this way and that, like she did when she tried on clothing in front of a mirror. She wanted the world to appreciate her curves. They did, Larxene had posed nude a few times for various men's magazines. Saix hung back but kept a measured distance from her.

I headed to the tour bus we occupied. It wasn't hard to miss amidst the other busses that other touring bands occupied. My face was airbrushed on the side. I had a ridiculous, cunning smile on my face. Again playing up the bad boy image. Our fans ate it up.

Don't get me wrong, I am a red head and therefore I have a temper. But I wasn't the guy my band's label played me up to be. I wasn't a womanizer. Hell, I wasn't attracted to women. I liked to party and all that parties entail, but I wasn't out at those parties to be a bad ass. Drinking helped me forget my loneliness. And I was about to find my good friend 'Jack Daniels' and try to forget again. I wanted to forget those blue eyes, the blonde hair.

Just as I lifted the whiskey, it's mouth touching the glass with a sweet "clink", my hand was encased by another. I looked up, one brow raising in agitation. Demyx looked back down at me gently, a smile on his lips.

"Don't drink before dinner, Axel. We're going out for pizza."

Larxene piped up, shoving her way past the others.

"Not until I have had a shower!"

I quickly set the bottle down with a dull thud as she elbowed Demyx out of the way. Lip curled slightly, knowing I had almost gotten my beloved alcohol spilled all over the laminate wood surface of the small table. The liquid sloshed, it's warm fragrant scent tickling my nose. I sighed and twisted the cap back onto it. Demyx took the bottle away, hiding it in a cabinet again.

"Thanks Axel."

I waved him off, itching for dinner to come and go and then I could get wasted. This was my usual routine, though I wanted the drink more than usual tonight.

After Larxene's shower, which was longer than necessary, we left for the local pizza parlor. I sat in a booth across from Demyx and Zexion. Demyx chattered, nonsensical babbling as usual. I didn't mind it. He was great at getting your mind off things, but he was a bit forgetful sometimes.

I stared at the pizza slices on my plate, not feeling particularly appetized by the meal.

"You'll stay that skinny forever if you don't eat."

I looked up, surprised to hear Zexion's softer voice break up the chattering of Demyx. Demyx sat back with a dramatic sigh, nodding.

"Zexy's right, you know."

I chuckled and shook my head, glancing away from them. My eyes studied the inhabitants of the parlor. Green irises were dull, lifeless as I looked at a family enjoying their meal for a moment. Vision started to move around the large room again when they stopped, locking on one person. Demyx had started to chatter again, asking me a question.

"Isn't that right, Axel?... Axel?"

I didn't look at him. I nodded slightly, grunting.

"Yeah...Demyx?"

I wasn't listening and it was pretty obvious. If I hadn't been so focused on the blonde I would have noticed Demyx's flailing movements as he tried to figure out who I was looking at.

My mouth had fallen ajar in my staring. The aquamarine eyes glanced around the room, noticing my blatant stare. I swallowed, eyes darting away quickly. Demyx was ecstatic, squirming in his seat across from me.

"The blonde! The blonde! I'm right, aren't I?"

I frowned darkly, motioning with a slash across my throat to be silent. He leaned forward,, smiling fiendishly.

"The blonde right, Axel?"

He whispered to me as he leaned against the table, crumpling his form up in a happy bundle. Zexion was sitting back, looking at the boy with crossed arms. His stare was calm and curious, unlike my dazed and adoring one.

I looked at my pizza again, picking up the greasy cheese-covered piece. I took a bite and chewed it, nodding as I looked back at Demyx. He was beside himself with triumph over his correct assumption. Zexion grasped his hands quickly, preventing the over excited male from waving to my prized blonde. Demyx looked to his lover, pouting softly.

"Go talk to him."

I looked up in surprise at Zexion's command. My mouth was suddenly dry with the half-chewed pizza inhabiting it. I could almost feel my face paling as my emerald eyes looked at the powder blue haired boy. He repeated his command as Demyx nodded ferverently. I swallowed hard, my chin lowering slightly with the effort. I took a big gulp of the soda I had ordered.

"No-"

I coughed on the carbonation, my eyes pricking with hot tears. I cleared my throat.

"No fucking way."

I whispered, shaking my head as I wiped at the tears. My cheeks were red from the coughing. Zexion released Demyx's hands with a shrug.

"Alright."

Demyx quickly got up in a flurry of knitted clothing, chuckling. I reached out, grasping his hand. His deep gray, knitted sweater encircled his fingers with my grip.

"Don't Demyx."


End file.
